Thursday, May 28, 2009

How long's it been?

So it's been awhile since I've posted much on this one... I tend to go through peaks of happy posting and low, low valleys of silence. It actually reaches into other, what should be sociable aspects of my life, however I'm not going to bore go into the details of that here.
So anyway, since I've been gone...
*breaking into song*
I can breathe for the first time
I'm soo movin' on, yeah, yeah

eh hmm... easily distractable. Yes, this Tired Mom is that, too.

As I was saying, we've been doin' a lot and getting ready for a lot, but I don't really feel like typing it all out... it'd seriously be a book and a half. So, what better way to show my depression absence in review than with pictures! Everyone LOVES pictures, right?

Ok, so apparently my 8 year old is growing up faster than her dad and I are comfortable with... we can still handle our 4 1/2 and 1 year old, but just look at her! That *is not* the sweet, innocent baby girl I remember! That sounded wrong, she is still very sweet and loving and innocent... I just meant, she's not a baby anymore! She's almost 9 and it throws me into an anxiety attack just typing that! *smirk* I am not old. I am not old. I am NOT old.

So we came up with the previous picture and these next couple when This Tired Mom said, "OK, TOP MODEL time... gimme some poses."

As you can see, Brenna likes these photo shoots! Fierce!
Brenna didn't stop posing... she was "workin' it" even when her sisters tried to shut her down!

Did I mention that I think the above photos captured Em's VERY FIRST nakey time?! An entire year old and never had nakey time... fer shame!

When TTM's (This Tired Mom's) BFF was in town, we went to one of the local parks and let the kids cool off in the water fountains!

Em learned to bang and smack and torture play the piano...

and get in Mommy's way help Mommy put away the dishes,

and, eat at the table like a big girl before picking up her plate and throwing everything on the floor... it's quite adorable!

TTM also learned how to make some blurry backgrounds thanks to
MckMama. I'm not super good at it, but I'm just lacksidasical enough to where I'm satsified with it.

Here's Em, in all her pb&j glory - ON the countertops - as her TM (tired mom) scrambles around to find something to ease her maniacal screaming calm and effective plea for attention. As you can see, the blurring effect in this phots helps mask whatever might be left out on the counter!

And, of course, we napped!

One last thing TTM has been busy with over the last couple of weeks was the relaunching of her Etsy shop - Stella B Designs. Click here for the Etsy shop or stop by Facebook OR view the Stella B Designs blog!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Seeking prayer

Some that know me, very few probably, know that I have been reading some heartbreaking stories of parents who have lost their babies. I don't purposely go looking for these stories... it's almost as if I'm being led to them. I've struggled to find the meaning of staying up until midnight as I pour through the background of these stories... only to come to the heartwrenching present where the parents and families are enveloped in an overwhelming pit of despair. Ok, that sounds so dramatic, but I can't think of a better picture for what these families are going through - to have lost a child... a BABY. Here one day and gone the next. So many unanswered questions and the failure to see the big picture.

I sob and sob and sob as I read the desperate words of the parents... praying for a miracle... praying for wisdom and strength. I sob as I feel guilty for having three beautiful and healthy children... I sob as I feel even more guilty for being a coward and pleading with God to not let me have to endure that pain. I have witnessed the life leaving a loved one and it was hard... so hard to let go. It has left a permanent mark on my soul. I try and sensor my thoughts so as not to "tempt my fate"... to maybe sway what God has planned for me. I try not to straight out beg him to protect my children... not never put me through such a trial... maybe that would trigger something to really test my faith and devotion. Of course I would like to believe I would trust God in any such storm and give all praise and glory to Him. Of course I would, right? I'm just a coward who doubts I could make it through such a trial.

So I've prayed and sobbed and prayed some more for these babies and their devoted families.... all the while struggling to figure out what the point is... of me finding them in the first place. Maybe there is no point, but I like to believe that I God has put them in my life to act as a prayer warrior for these families in their time of darkness and need. That's the only thing I can figure at this point. It seems like such a small thing... such a small role to play.... but prayer is powerful and I will step up to this part and I ask that you will help me today.
The loving and wonderful parents of Kayleigh need your prayers as their beautiful baby girl went to be with Jesus after an all too short 11 months of life. Please help them by lifting them up in prayer. God is so wonderful and worthy of our praise - especially in times like these. Please pray that Kayleigh's parents will continue to follow Him in all things and that they will find a balance and peace in knowing that it is all according to His plan. My heart is truly breaking for their family... you can click on the button below to read their story.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Fat Friday vol. 2

So another week has past... Some things came up this last Saturday night/Sunday morning... literally... things came up. I had the stomach flu (and all it entails) from Saturday night until Wednesday. That was a definitel road block to my plans of following Atkins and getting much exercise. Another road block to the Atkins is that a lot of protein can get a bit expensive - if that's all you're eating... so I'm going to modify to eating smaller portions and making the better food choices. (Flip flops, anyone.) Classic "this tired mom"... I flip flop a lot! haha

Last weeks' goals:
*continue with Atkins - bringing in more lean protein: chicken, fish : nope, due to illness & funds
*drink my water: minimally better, definite improvement
*go walking at least ONCE: CHECK!!! I went for a walk on Wednesday evening for about 30 mins
*lose another pound or two: check! See below for weight loss
*come back next Friday and blog about it: check!

This weeks' goals:
*smaller portions/healthier choices
*drink water
*walk @ least 2x
*lose 1 pound
*blog next week
Weight check:
Week 1: GZ*
Week 2: -1.4
Week 3: -1.8!!**
Total loss to date: 3.2

*Ground Zero - for the sake of my overall pride and sanity, this will be used in place of my actual weight.

**Funny thing... at one point during my "sickness" I had lost almost 4 pounds. I'm assuming it was mostly water weight because now my body has apparently rebalanced in it's normal lovely way! I'll take 1.8!!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Fat Friday

Now normally in my world, "fat" is just another F-word. Seriously... I would be just as stern on the girls if they used "fat" in a derrogatory way towards another person as if they used THE F-word. Yes, I'm super sensitive to the word seeing as how I've been... fat *cringe* for the better part of ... Oh... let's just the last 20-some years.

I'm not even going to get into the how's (eating, duh...) and why's. The reasons behind the eating are different for everyone. Most time there can be painful and traumatizing reasons... not for me, however. I had a charmed childhood so I'm not exactly sure *where* the emotional part of it began, but I do know that it started somewhere and somewhere along the way I've added more reasons to the pile. Didn't I just say I wasn't going to go into reasons? lol

So anyway, last Friday I started a journal to track my habits and last Friday was the last time I wrote in my journal.

*Classic* for this tired mom. Not at all out of the ordinary at all.

So I had started out just thinking I'd "watch" what I ate... kind of go the weight watchers route. I wouldn't really follow the plan... I'd just 'try and cut back on some things.

*insert haughty laughter here*

I learned that doesn't work for me. I've learned it time and time again that unless I am wholeheartedly following some type of guidelines then the overeating and self-loathing will just continue. So what am I doing now? I'm starting off with the induction phase of the Atkin's Diet. I was doing this in March... stayed on it for a good month with NO cheating... lost 5-7 pounds and then went off of it because my body wasn't responding to it like it did when I was 25. *sigh*
This is also *classic* me. "What? I'm not losing 85 pounds a month?! It must not be working something wrong with me!" - stop dieting and gain 10 to replace the good I just accomplished.

So, it's back to Atkins. For some reason, having the "forbidden foods" (fruit, sugars, carbs) works for me. I am able to say, "Oh, I can't eat that" is easier than being able to "oh, I shouldn't eat that."

Last weeks goals were...
*continue journaling (eh heh..)
*drink water (did so-so)
*go walking 3 times (p'shhhh)
*Lose 2 pounds by 5/1/09 - I lost 1.4! (probably because I started Atkins yesterday and drank my water!)

This weeks goals are:
*continue with Atkins - bringing in more lean protein: chicken, fish
*drink my water
*go walking at least ONCE
*lose another pound or two
*come back next Friday and blog about it

I've decided to make my goals a little more manageable this week (although they *were not* outlandish last week). Baby steps.

My starting weight will be called "ground zero" since I don't care to mention my actual weight. So, I've lost 1.4 pounds (!!!!!!!) from ground zero! I'll take it!

Fanciful Friday

Seeing as how life can get a bit dreary and monotonous, I have decided on a new Friday theme... Fanciful Fridays!
Because everyone tired mom needs a vacation...
if only in her daydreaming.
So for my first Fanciful Friday I'm going to Ireland! Call me"certifiable" (crazy), but I feel the pull of the Island! I dream of going there one day and seeing the lush beauty that I've seen in pictures and movies.
I am more than eager to claim my Irish heritage. (What's that you say? What about the maniacal, nazi blonde-hair, blue eye heritage? Yeeeah... not so much.)
So, my bags are packed, my ticket is purchased... I'm heading to Ireland!

While there, I'll be making use of our vacation home. (My honey bought it for our first anniversary... we'll most likely be retiring here.)
It's a modest dwelling, yet very comfortable. It's nestled in greenery and we love to
relax in the evening while listening to the small stream as the sun goes down over
our montains.

Tomorrow I will do some relaxing on the beach.

I'll probably end up taking a nice walk through the countryside -

getting some fresh air and exercise.

I'll make sure to stop by the lighthouse we help maintain...

... before doing a little shopping in town.

On Sunday, before taking our jet back home, I think I'll

take in a little rugby... who could resist?